Posts
I haven't posted in a very long time - over 2 years according to this blog. For anyone actually reading this - hello! - I'll try to not have such an extended absence again.
I am resolving to write more and share more - not to necessarily gain followers or readership but purely to strengthen the muscle myself as writing is something I want to do more of in the future.
So - to jump to today - I have found it really interesting over the past few months to see how people have reacted to COVID and being largely shut in at home, with the added facet of having no idea when or how things will resolve. I have sensed that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with all of the uncertainty, that it makes them frustrated and anxious. It does for me too, to some degree, but I also feel very comfortable with it on a lot of levels having lived with so much uncertainty for so long around fertility. When I step back, the past 7 years have been so affected by what it's taken for Jacob and I to have kids. The tally at this point in time is 5 miscarriages (4 before Owen and 1 after), somewhere around 15 surgeries (I honestly am not sure about the exact number at this point) and what has to be hundreds of dr appointments and ultrasounds. All without any clear picture of what would work or when, or if I would ultimately be able to have kids. This was of course answered by having Owen in 2017, but has continued as I've had additional procedures and an additional pregnancy and we've had to assess how much treatment we want to do to try to have another kid.
All I know is that I am thankful every day that Owen became part of our lives, and I try not to take a second of it for granted. I can already see how quickly it is going by, and even when I'm tired / frustrated with a whining 3 year old I do my best to channel some inner peace and patience and remember overall how lucky I am. Given all of that, I see it as a real silver lining to the current pandemic that it has forced all of us to slow down, spend more time at home, and re-think how we're interacting with the world. Of course, I recognize how lucky I am to even be able to say that, having a relatively stable home and job.
signing off for now but back soon-
