3 years

It's been nearly 3 years since I was pregnant for the first time. Crazy. It has probably been the most difficult period of my life so far. I know on the scale of bad things that can happen it is far from the worst, but there has been a lot of heartbreak in the past few years.

At this point I feel that most of the time I have a decent perspective on things, thanks in large part to both supportive family and friends and a good therapist. But there are still plenty of times that I am really down on things, and just try to remember that at some point in the future it won't seem as bad. I had one of those patches recently when I learned that another one of our friends in Richmond was pregnant. I think it would take me at least both hands to count up the number of friends who have not been thinking about having kids, then gotten pregnant and had a baby, all in the time that Jacob and I have been trying to just get and stay pregnant. It makes me feel like everyone is just passing us by while we're stuck in the same shitty spot. 

But. I try to just get on with things and hope that in a few days I wake up and don't feel like my world has a black cloud over it.