Coexistence

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I can have different emotions about a particular subject coexist, even if they are seemingly in complete conflict with each other. For instance, I recently learned that a good friend is newly pregnant. One part of me wants to feel so happy for her, while another part is jealous and wishes that I could just get pregnant and have things be easy. But this morning I thought, why not just be both? I feel like I put pressure on myself to feel just one way or consistent, when in reality, who says I can't be both? In an ideal world, sure, I'd just be happy for her and that would be it. But it's not how things are, so why not just accept that and go on. I feel like mentally I have a hard time thinking that that is "ok" but hopefully it will get easier over time.

On the update front, my repeat blood work came back with essentially the same thing as before, elevated TPO and borderline elevated anticardiolipids, so we'll discuss treating both with the doc next week when we go in. I'm feeling a bit more settled in our decision about IVF but am still hoping that once we really start it I will feel more at peace with deciding to do it.