On hold

You know when you're stuck on hold with customer service, for something that you really want to get done, and it's so frustrating that you're stuck waiting?

That's what I feel like the past 2 years have been like. And I know, and acknowledge, that I am a fairly impatient person. My husband reminds me on an almost daily basis, but I just like to see progress, or change, or movement towards something being done.

We were talking last night about my frustration over where we are with things, and I know he tries to be understanding but that it is just not the same for him. For me, I feel like so much of the past 2 years and even looking forward now has been affected by the same train of thoughts, for example when thinking about planning a trip or attending a friends wedding- will i be pregnant? will i be on medicine that will affect what i look like/ can drink/ how i feel? will i have to fit an event in around doctor's appointments? And then more generally, as we talk about our jobs and lives, it's more of thinking, if i change things (i.e. jobs) what would my benefits be like? (i am fortunate that they are very good right now) what kind of maternity leave would i have? (assuming we get to that point) what kind of vacation would i have?

And I feel like it is all just a moving target that is always changing, and with no end in sight. I know that all I can do is to go one step at a time, and make decisions based on the best information I have. But I wish I just knew (or felt like I really had any good idea) of what our timeline would be for getting pregnant, having kids, and all the rest. But, no crystal ball. Just hoping that it will all work out sooner or later.